I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
