youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
