your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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