I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize