2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
