i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
