Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
