dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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