singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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