Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
