I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
