I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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