Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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