her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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