And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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