I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
