were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
