So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
