im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
