I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we should paint friendship bongs
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