i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
