So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
