Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
