This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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