yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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