evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
