DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
