think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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