your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
