Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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