My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
