I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
