If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
