yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And then my night got REAL pukey
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
