thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
