woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
