I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
