Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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