so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
