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did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
