you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
