Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
