I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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