I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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