when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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