I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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