it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
