The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
