i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
