mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
