i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
