Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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