my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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