Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
