how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
