guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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