He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
