officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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