So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
