True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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