Non-Jews are for practice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
