Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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