What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
