you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
