I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
