a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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