Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cannot find my penis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
