i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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