Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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