remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
