If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
