I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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