We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
