she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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