someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
