There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
