Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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