ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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