in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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