Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
