my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
