I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
