I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
